Now I'm not sure?

Ok, SO……I must to go back a couple of weeks to share something with you.

I had just sent out the email about my decision to have the gastric bypass surgery to my friends and family and had also posted it on Facebook to my friends on there.  I received MUCH kudos - as well as lots of support!  Several people showed an enthusiastic interest in watching my progress on my blog.  But I did have a couple of people who expressed a concern for my decision.  Let me say this.  I have NO problem with someone not agreeing with my decision.  And if you do have a valid concern, I don’t mind hearing it.  It motivates me to research more and educate myself better.

Although I really had believed I had made the decision that was right for me, those couple of people gave me pause to think; and think HARD about the decision I had made.  Up to this point, I truly believed that I HAD thought it through completely and that I had no doubts.  Apparently, my decision wasn’t as rock solid as I had thought.  One of my sisters said that she worried about the possible weight gain down the line.  She said she’d read nearly 80% of people who have gastric bypass gain all their weight back within 5 years of surgery.  That was definitely something that worried me; to go through all that just to gain my weight back.

(I found information that states "Most patients keep at least 50% of their excess weight off after 10 years."  SOURCE:  http://www.bariatric-surgery-source.com/weight-gain-after-gastric-bypass.html).

And another person I’m fond of wrote me a long email asking me to consider the surgery; stating all the “possible side-effects and the many potential complications that can arise”. 

I started to doubt my decision.  What if these things happen to me?  Maybe I will miss my favorite foods too much that I will be anxious all the time; never being satisfied.  I’m the family party thrower.  My place is referred to among my family as “party central”!  How could I have big parties with lots of food!  There is NO WAY.  I felt like I was letting my family down.  I started leaning more and more towards NOT having the surgery.  It really stressed me out.  This and other issues in my family life led me to a minor – temporary – break down (I have them periodically – they are nothing to worry about!).  My sister called me to see how I was (the one who I had mentioned her fear about potential weight gain down the road).  We talked more about the surgery and my doubts and she told me more about how she didn’t think it was a good idea.  She had some valid concerns.  But I found myself during that conversation defending the idea of gastric bypass.  And all the things I hoped to accomplish by having it.  Still, after getting off the phone with her and after a good night’s sleep, I had doubts and leaned more into not having the surgery.  I was on the lean and green diet and was doing well and felt really good.  I’m not physically craving carbs.  Sure I wish I could eat a little pasta now and again, but I don’t ever want to go back to eating the way I was.  So, my thought was to continue on the 800 calorie diet and see if that would work.  I even thought about waiting 6 months, continuing to diet and see how I did.

I had that thought process for about 3 days.  Then I remembered.  I’ve done this before, time and time again.  I need something more to sustain it.  I gradually started my thinking back to having the gastric bypass surgery.  I needed something that will physically STOP me from eating.  Something that will work long term!

So, once again I continued on with my dieting and appointments.